Thoughts

July 10^th, 2012

For the last few weeks I have selfishly ignored posting in this blog and, in turn, sharing my experiences with the people that are important in my life. A few days ago I was thinking about posting and using the excuse that I do not want to post in this blog because I want to be out enjoying this Alaskan experience. I have come to realize that that attitude is selfish and immature. If you have chosen to take a part of your day to read this blog post from a kid like me, then I thank you wholeheartedly and hope that you will be moved by what I have to say.

Today was my hardest day in Alaska. There are several reasons as to why today was challenging and, if you know me, you will interpret those reasons differently. Nevertheless, I have come to realize that my own troubles are nothing compared to the struggles that many of my dear friends have faced recently. I have been thinking a lot about Ben Dierkes and the Dierkes family and I cannot imagine how difficult this time is. Even though I have slowly grown apart from Ben and many of my other friends from home during my time in college I think about Ben a lot. Whenever I think about Ben I want to call my own mother and tell her how much I love her and how important she has been in my life. My mother, Kristie, was influenced so much by Mary Dierkes, and in a way, the values that my mother learned from Mary Dierkes, have been taught to me and profoundly shaped my life. As I am writing this I am lying in a hotel bed in Fairbanks, Alaska with my mother, father, and sister all sleeping peacefully nearby and I thank God for allowing my family to share this joyous experience with me.

We have been on vacation for the past few days since my family arrived in Alaska on Friday evening. The vacation part occurred due to some unfortunate circumstances, but has turned out to be thoroughly rewarding. Initially, my family was supposed to meet me in Anchorage while I was on a road trip with my team. A few days after pitching the Midnight Sun Game I was still experiencing some major shoulder soreness so I decided to talk to the trainer. He diagnosed me with an AC joint sprain in my left shoulder. We could not figure out how this happened but decided to shut down pitching activities and set up an appointment with the chiropractor. At the chiropractor’s office we decided that the best course of treatment would be prolotherapy, which consists of 8-10 injections in my shoulder with the intention of inflaming the joint so my body would more quickly recognize the need to repair the joint. So, I missed the trip to Anchorage to stay home and visit the physical therapists’ office daily.

With my team gone and an unparalleled absence of friends in Fairbanks (I only knew Enzo, Josh, and my physical therapist, Andrea) I had nothing to do all day except think and worry. This was unhealthy and negatively affected the relationships I have with the people whom I love and if those people feel neglected I completely understand. I lost my love of laughter and was unable to positively communicate with my dearest friends. For the past week I have cursed God for bringing me all the way to Alaska only to injure me and destroy my closest relationships. I felt hopeless and dreaded the final few weeks I would be forced to miserably spend in Alaska. But I think this story has a happy ending that I would like to share.

I have come to realize that there is a reason why I am in Alaska. I don’t know what the reason is, but I believe there is a reason. Maybe this is the apex of my baseball career or maybe this is a warning that this could be the apex of my career if I don’t work hard to improve my talents. Maybe this is the time for me to make new friends, as I have awesome teammates who keep me laughing (shout out to Joey Epperson for giving me the inspiration to write more), or maybe this is my chance to figure out who I really appreciate in this world and to weed out negative influences on my life. I don’t know.

My night began by starting to read a book entitled The Ultimate Gift by Jim Stovall and I somehow managed to read the entire book in one sitting. The book is about a young man who is taught all of life’s greatest lessons and the young man becomes a remarkably better person throughout the story. Upon finishing this book I became so motivated to live each day in a more positive way because it is truly my own attitude that will determine my happiness and, if I’m lucky, bring happiness to those around me. I am anxious to be back at William Jewell with my teammates and friends and want those guys to know that if they see me slacking to get on my ass and tell me to pick it up. The purpose of our baseball team is to win games, but I have come to realize that it is more important that we build men who are prepared for life’s biggest challenges.

If all goes according to plan I will be pitching soon. For the past few weeks I have missed pitching and I can’t imagine not being able to do something that one is so passionate about. Pitching allows me to think about nothing in life except playing baseball as hard as I can and that mental break from reality truly does soothe the soul. There has been a lot on my mind tonight and if you have read all the way to the end I appreciate that and hope that you have reflected on your own life a little. Wherever you are reading this from, whether that be Iowa, Kansas City, Columbia, or even Fairbanks, I hope that I have brought a smile to your day. Thank you.

The 107th Midnight Sun Game: Pregame Thoughts

Today is the big day! The 107^th Midnight Sun Game is tonight at 10:30 pm Alaskan time. It seems like all of Fairbanks is excited and everyone I have talked to says they are going to the game. The crazy part is, I’m the starting pitcher this evening as we take on the Everett Merchants. The idea behind the game is to play a game through the midnight hours without using artificial lighting. At some point the sun will dip below the horizon for about an hour but the game will be played almost entirely in what could be described as dusk. Last night I researched some of the history of the game and it is truly incredible. There are typically 4000 to 6000 people in attendance and the names that have played in this game are startling; Tom Seaver, Dave Winfield, Terry Francona, Jason Giambi, and Bret Boone. Are you serious? So I will be pitching for the Goldpanners, the northernmost baseball team in the United States, and the stands will be packed full of Fairbanksans looking to see future major leaguers as kids just having fun.

            This article in ESPN from a few years ago really tells the story of the game and the league…http://proxy.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=caple/050622. My experience in Alaska this summer has paralleled the description by Jim Caple. I recently filled up the tires of a bicycle I found in the garage and have been riding it to the game. There is a truly Sandlot feel to this summer. The other night we decided, after the game, to grab a bat and some baseballs and head over to an adjacent field for a home run derby. My performance was terribly embarrassing but Tanner Mendonca, a player who will certainly be drafted next June as a pitcher, hit seven home runs in his victory.

            Today I am simply killing time and trying not to dwell on the magnitude of the game too much. As Caple states in the article, a few years from now I will reflect on this game as possibly the pinnacle of my baseball career, so I hope everything goes well. In terms of relevance to the league standings and our overall record this game is almost meaningless, but in terms of entertaining Fairbanks, making money for our organization, and my own peace of mind, this game is huge. Farewell for now from Fairbanks. Oh, and if you want to watch the game live check out http://www.pannervision.com/

Kenai, Alaska and Arriving in Fairbanks

It has been a hectic week here in Alaska. The last time I posted we had yet to play a game, but we are now 1-3 on the young season. Our record is not of much worry for us players since the last game we played was on Friday night and we won 10-1. After losing the first three games of the season we had a team meeting in which we discussed playing more loosely and having fun. It was brought up that it is rare for a group of 25 random guys from across the country to get along so well, so quickly, but our team is getting along really well. I think this is due to the fact that we were all thrown together in a huge room for a week and forced to figure out how to survive in Kenai, Alaska. A bit of shared suffering never hurt anyone.

Anyways, as far as baseball goes our team failed to score a run in the first two games. Getting adjusted to using wood bats and getting timing back at the plate after a few weeks off could be to blame for our misfortune at the dish. I pitched the third game of the series against the Oilers and was pretty nervous because of my awful spring season but did really well and surprised myself. I had a no hitter going into the 5^th inning and was effectively throwing every pitch for strikes, getting ahead in counts, moving my fastball around the zone, and throwing with solid velocity. I ended up getting into trouble in the 6^th after giving up a double that rolled down the 3^rd base line to the leadoff hitter. He came around to score and after giving up another hit and walking two batters I came out of the game with the bases loaded and 2 outs in the 6^th (of a 7 inning game because of a doubleheader). The first pitch by our reliever was a slider in the dirt that the batter swung at, but the ball got a little away from the catcher. The runner on third scored and as he was sliding into home the ball got away again and another run scored, leaving the score at 3-1 in favor of the Oilers. This was unfortunate as we lost the game but I am very excited about my performance. The coaches were very impressed with my performance and the radio guys for the Oilers were also very impressed, describing my outing as “masterful.” The radio guy for the Oilers told me that I will have a great summer and our Hall of Fame head coach Jim Dietz told our team that I am probably one of the best left handed pitchers in the Alaskan league. Wow. Needless to say, I am eager for my next start.

We left Kenai on Saturday morning after a long night in the “Hilton” on Friday evening ;) The bus ride from Kenai to Fairbanks was long, cruel, and beautiful. We drove through Denali National Park where we saw Mt. McKinley and scores of other giant mountains. There were also countless rivers rushing through the wilderness and at one point we even saw a female moose feeding in the grass next to the highway. Alaska is truly a marvelous place to sightsee and I can see why so many people are compelled to visit the 49^th state.

Yesterday, we spent the morning signing autographs for kids at Los Amigos restaurant in downtown Fairbanks before having practice on our home field. The field is Astroturf, which feels bad on the old ankles. It will be interesting to see how the infield plays because it is essentially the surface of a billiards table. I will definitely avoid diving for a ball on the field and as a pitcher that shouldn’t be a difficult task.

I am currently residing in the basement of the coaches’ house with 8 other players. There are 5 bunk beds down here to accommodate the players. The older coaches, Coach Dietz and Kelly live upstairs, while the younger coaches live in a room next to ours in the basement. It is almost taboo for us to go upstairs and I seldom make the trek up the staircase to look in the fridge. We play our first home game tonight against a team of adult All-Stars from Fairbanks. Some of the opposing players are supposed to be pretty good, but that remains to be seen. I have a steady source of internet now and lots of free time so I may be able to post more frequently. We shall see. Hope everyone is having a good summer. Panner Up.

First Few Days in Alaska

Day 1: I arrived in Anchorage, Alaska at 12:30 am on early Sunday morning. One could also say that it was late Saturday evening because the sun was just setting. At baggage claim I noticed a guy grab a baseball bag off the tracks and asked if he was on the Goldpanners. He said yes and introduced himself as Kevin before we figured out what to do next. A few minutes later Todd Dennis, the general manager of the Panners, picked us up in a dilapidated RV outside the busy airport. We then drove to the University of Alaska at Anchorage where I stayed in a dormitory for the rest of the night.

Night is a term that should be used very loosely throughout the summer, as there is not too much of a night time. So far it appears that there is a very extensive sunset that turns to a brief darkness. There is a three hour time difference between Alaska and Missouri, which doesn’t sound like much but in reality is a huge difference. For instance if I wake up at 9, everyone in the Midwest is having lunch, and when everyone in the Midwest is going to bed, it is only dinnertime here. Also, since it is light out I feel like conversing with my friends back home but it is actually 11 or so here, and everyone back home has been asleep for several hours.

Alaska is a weird place. After waking up in the dorms we went to a mall for three hours and basically got to know each other. We eventually left the mall and headed to Kenai, Alaska where we will be staying until Friday night. Our first series is in Kenai against the Peninsula Oilers but the first game is not until Wednesday so we have a few long days of boredom ahead of us. The drive from Anchorage to Kenai was absolutely the most incredibly beautiful drive I have ever been on. The first two hours of the drive we were on a highway on the coast of the Pacific Ocean. We could see across the ocean bay to the other side where huge snow covered mountains emerged directly from the water. The mountains got larger as we went further toward Kenai until we hit the peninsula and a valley with streams and rivers with rapids became the scenery. The entire trip was surreal. I spotted one bald eagle perched on a tree and countless other birds along with many waterfalls from the melting mountains.

When we arrived in Kenai we had a nice practice and meeting. Coach Jim Dietz told us how the program would be run this summer and explained the way the Goldpanners work. We threw light bullpens and watched as the hitters took batting practice. The team is staying in quite the setup for the week and it is hard to explain our living quarters. We are living in the back rooms of a bingo hall/ the Peninsula Oilers headquarters. The entire team is in one room with walls that partition cubby holes that contain two bunk beads. There are four people in every room and the dynamics of the team are starting to take shape. The team is getting along well and the obligatory conversations about where people are from and how each player’s team did this season are turning into stereotypical “baseball player” conversations. We have practice tomorrow at noon, but I anticipate that my sleep schedule will be so messed up that I will wake up and watch the France vs England soccer game. As I am typing this an alarm is going off. Our assistant coach told us that two doors cannot be opened or an alarm will sound and police will come to secure the bingo hall J This is hilarious and a great start to the summer.